Tuesday, 26 July 2005

The Man With A Thousand Eyeballs

[Breaking with tradition and putting up something other than a silly doodle here but hey, I like to live dangerously. This is also exactly the sort of sick story that should be banned because it portrays blind people in such a poor light but hey, I like to live dangerously.]


The Man With A Thousand Eyeballs

There was a man with a thousand eyeballs
But himself, he could not see.
He found it difficult to butter his toast
And to find the toilet to pee.

But first...

Behind holes in his sockets,
The cogs and the sprockets
In the brain of this mechanical man,
Clattered and clickered
Until there then flickered
The birth of a dastardly plan.

He invited the girls
And the boys of this world
To a leisurely morning of fun,
Promising telly
And ice cream and jelly
And frisbee for everyone.

He didn't wait long
After invites had gone
Before receiving replies.
They came from all over,
From Cairo to Dover,
Five hundred to be precise.

When the first child arrived
He pulled out his knife
And gouged out the eyes from her face,
Then hid her away
From view for the day
And cleaned up the blood without trace.

He tried out the girls eyes
But with sorry surprise,
He found that he still was blind.
So he thought it perhaps
Would work better with chaps,
And waited for a child of that kind.

It was with fair chance
(And a hop and a dance)
That the next to arrive was a boy.
He brought with him presents
From his auntie and parents
And some kind of electrical toy.

Said he with a lisp,
"My dear Mr Crisp,"
(For that was the blind man's name)
"With thanks from my mother,
"And my aunt for another,
"For she also expresses the same."

And with that the boy
Gave old Crisp the toy,
Which was quite an awful mistake.
For before he had blinked,
He could no longer wink,
As he had no eyes left to take.

But Crisp then had to say,
With utter dismay,
"This plan has failed me twice.
"Those eyes and these
"Don't allow me to see
"But I shall not be beaten thrice."

He continued to falter,
Yet refused to alter
His scheme to gain his sight.
His evil plan failed
But five hundred kids' wails
Could be heard well into the night.

You'll be glad he was found
On the far side of town
By police who'd been chasing his tail.
They found a large jar
In the boot of his car
And carted him off to jail.

For inside the jar, which was a good four feet tall,
Were one thousand severed eyeballs.

Thursday, 7 July 2005

Movies They Never Made 20

Fictionary 3

Same as usual: which famous novel does this depict?
Answer will appear in the comments after an unspecified period of time (or alternatively, you could cheat)