Sunday, 28 December 2008

Saturday, 20 December 2008

Joseph Starling

Thanks to Comrade Dave for the following idea: a festive tribute to OUR GLORIOUS LEADER, brought to you in COLOUR. And by a dodgy English-Russian translation site, which seemed to simply replace each letter with its Cyrillic equivalent.

Joseph Starling

Merry Communism, everyone!

Thought for the Day: Sometimes I wish I had a female friend called Fields. Then, many years after she gets married (20 years or so), I can point to her and say to passing youngsters, "I remember when all this was just Fields."

Link of the Day: 2008 in Pictures

[Edit] This is now available on T-Shirts and OTHER THINGS!



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Joseph Starling T-Shirts and Accessories

ALSO AVAILABLE AS GREETINGS CARDS!

Saturday, 13 December 2008

Sketchbook: All The King's Horses

I've been very quiet lately, because I've been poorly and wallowing at home.

All The King's Horses

As you can see from the picture, this was done some time ago. I flicked through and realised there's a half decent ones I missed out. This one fits in with the recent nursery story theme.

In other news, the Open Mic picture made £75 for Build a School in the silent auction at K6. It was bought by someone who'd never seen EvilFlea stuff before too.

Link of the Day: Graknitti

Saturday, 22 November 2008

The Pied Piper

The Pied Piper

This is an idea I came up with ages ago, but couldn't figure out how to make it work. I'm pretty happy with the composition and style now though.

[Edit] Version 2.0: I've added the title into the glaring gap at the top:

The Pied Piper v2.0

Link of the Day: Graphic Exchange

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Friday, 21 November 2008

K6 Auction: Open Mic

[Edit, 9 Dec: The picture sold for £75 in the silent auction for Build A School, which is not bad at all - especially as it was bought by a stranger who'd never heard of me - thank you Mandy :-)]

This is the A2 pencil drawing that will be auctioned at Karmageddon on Saturday 6th December for an as-yet unnamed charity. (It may have been named, but I can't find it.)

Karmageddon is the big London Join Me meet, and will inevitable involve lots of free hugging and the like on Regent and Oxford Streets, followed by a trip to the pub, where the auctions and raffle and other such shenanigans will take place.

Last year the bidding got rather silly and my Star Trek Comic made £220, and I'd be very impressed if it was similar again this year (Jase, Jane and Rich, I'm looking at you here...).

K6 Auction: Open Mic

K6 Auction: Open Mic

Link of the Day: Cardstacker

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Sunday, 16 November 2008

Sketchbook: Gender Equality

Gender Equality

I drew this one on the TGV on my recent holiday in France, when I saw a French woman reading a women's magazine. Apart from the language, it looked just like a British magazine, and it dawned on me that regardless of audience, women's and men's magazines both tend to have women on their front covers.

... only in different stages of undress.

In unrelated news, you may notice over there on the right >>>>

that I have set up a Google Group. If you join it, then every time I post a comic, it will be emailed to you automatically. So you don't have to check the site to see if I've got around to creating something new. (No one in the group but me will be able to see your email address.)

Link of the day: Young Me Now Me

2nd Link of the Day - because I found a much better one: It's Adventure Time!

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Friday, 31 October 2008

Camera Boy, Part One

Sketchbook: Camera Boy


"If the wind changes direction,
Your face will stay like that,"
His mother always said.

And she was right.

She said it could happen at any time
But he never thought it might.

"He's always taking pictures,"
She used to also say,
"Do something George,
Make him stop,
Look, just get right in his way!"

He liked taking photos of buildings best,
Though somehow his albums always seemed
To be full of pictures of his father.

The two of them would flick through them before dinnertime,
And have his mother in a lather.

"You always go against what I say!"
She'd accuse him,
Accusingly.

"No I don't", he'd reply.

"Yes you do!
And you do it every single day!"

And she was right, of course.
Again.

He didn't mean to contradict her,
But she was so unreasonable.

Before he left, he'd sleep outside,
When the night-time weather was seasonable.

That was in March.

The day George left.

He took the front door with him
(God knows why),

But his wife did not report the theft.

In fact she never spoke again.
She sat inside and stared at the bed,
While thieves walked into the open house,
And cleared out her belongings
And fled.

The only things they didn't take were the boy and his camera
(And his mother and her bed).
Tables, televisions, cups and saucers,
No longer in the home,
Taken just down the road instead
And locked in someone else's shed.

She stopped scolding the boy
For taking photos of all the places that he went.
Well, she was never with him,
She just sat motionless at home in Kent.

The boy realised much too late
What a catastrophe
This would prove to be,
When the awful fate befell him
That only his mother had foreseen.

It was in December, during a period of unpredictable winter weather,
That the weatherman had predicted would be predictably cold.
He had predicted that the wind would come from the North.

But he was wrong.

(Of course.)

The boy was at Number 10, Downing Street,
Attending a conference on climate change.

He wasn't supposed to be there.

He had gone there to take photographs of the front door
From interesting and artistic angles,
And somehow became entangled,
When the delegates arrived,
With security, who ushered him inside.

The Prime Minister had bought
The boy's favourite chocolate biscuits,
But kept them all for himself.
The others were left with Ryvita which,
He assured everyone,
What extremely good for their health.

The Japanese Prime Minister led the protests.

"It's not fair!" he said
While the others nodded their agreement.
"You're worse than the American President,
And he gives pretty rotten treatment!"

"Hey!" said the AP
(which is short for American President).
"What's the beef?"

"The beef?" replied the JPM.
(I think you can work out JPM by yourself.)

"The beef?!" he cried. "The beef?!
Last time you fed me beef, good sir,
I nearly lost my teeth!"

On and on they argued,
And they didn't stop for lunch,
And they came to no agreement,
When push came to shove
And shove came to crunch.

And come to crunch it did,
With two broken arms and one cracked rib,
A punctured lung and a broken teapot lid.

Now, the boy thought that perhaps
The patterned tea service would make an interesting picture,
And the wallpaper too,
If only he could find a clear view.

The trouble was,
These damned politicians kept on moving into the way of the shot,
As fists flew left, right and centre,
And tempers ran hot.

After they were done fighting,
And the Prime Minister's wife had finished putting make-up on him to cover up his black eye,
They all stood together outside the front door of Number 10, Downing Street,
And answered questions from all of the journalists there,
Who worked for the world's most important newspapers and television channels.

Speaking to the journalists,
They cited irreconcilable differences
(That means they disagreed on some very important things),
And announced,
With fingers crossed behind their backs,
That the only thing they had agreed
Was to launch a new World Biscuit Tax.

"The biscuit industry is to blame,"
Said the German Chancellor,
"For the crisis in our changing weather,
It is vital that we tackle this scourge,
Now more than ever."

The Sultan of Brunei joined this chorus against baked products.
"You cannot deny their contribution," he claimed,
"To our planet's ever-worsening pollution!"

While they spoke to their audience,
And told them of their anti-biscuit mission,
There were photographers there too,
Taking pictures of the politicians.

And the boy took pictures of the photographers
Taking pictures of the politicians,
Until the moment came to fulfil
His mother's supersitions.

When

The

Wind

Changed

Direction.

And not just once.

But twice.

Three times.

In a matter of seconds,
The wind changed direction four times,
Until it ended up pretty much where it had started.

The King of Jordan had grit blown into his eye,
The Prime Minister's microphone stand fell down,
And the Brazilian President's wig ended up upon the ground.

And while they all made such a fuss
(Believing they're so much more important than the rest of us),
While babies cried as babies must
And down the road the elderly waited for the bus,
While crops were reaped and seeds were sown,
And schoolchildren taught what must be known,

A small boy stood just yards away
And noted that, with some dismay,
When he bent down to tie his lace,
His camera was stuck fast to his face.


(To be continued...)



Link of the Day: TravelFlea - my trip to Angouleme, where I drew the sketch and started to write this story.

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Sunday, 26 October 2008

Sketchbook: Roll of Honour

Sketchbook: Roll of Honour

I drew this along with several others on the train yesterday and today going to and from my brother's place. At least one of the other sketches I want to draw up properly, which I'll hopefully find time to do when I'm in France this week. Huzzah for half term holidays.

Link of the Day: Drawings under the influence of LSD

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Monday, 20 October 2008

Sketchbook: The Kids

Sketchbook: The Kids

I've been toying around with different styles lately. I messed the faces on the top two up, as I don't pencil in first in my sketchbook, so any mistakes stay. I quite like the bodies though. And I like the boy on the bicycle, particularly his limbs.

Link of the Day: Just Say No

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Friday, 10 October 2008

Pornographic Puns

Porn Under A Bad Sign

This was from a rather silly discussion back in the old flat with Chris, Kate and Toby. Originally I was going to draw "Porn Out Of Wedlock", but then decided this was better about an hour ago.

Other suggestions for a possible new series that I'll never draw were:

Porn On The Fourth Of July
Porn In The USA
Porn Slippy
The Porn Ultimatum

And my personal favourite:

Porn With A Silver Spoon In Your Mouth.

Other suggestions welcome.

Link of the Day: Toy Yoda

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Monday, 6 October 2008

Heroes, #5

Time for my first villain...

Heroes, #5

Oh, and Toby deserves quite a lot of the credit for this one.

Link of the Day: En Tus Brazos

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Tuesday, 23 September 2008

Sweepstake

Sweepstake

Link of the Day: Dasher - this is a really cool way of typing for people with motor-neurone difficulties. And for everyone else. I found out about it at a music festival of all places, in the science tent. I keep meaning to share it with everyone.

PS I just realised I forgot to colour in his nose. Ah well.

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Sunday, 7 September 2008

Sketchbook: Tubes

Tubes

Since the end of May, I've mostly been doodling in a nicely bound sketchbook I bought. Seeing as I'm struggling to get the proper stuff to you at the moment, I'll put some of these up. As you can see, they're not all in the style you're used to...


Link of the Day: The Secret Thoughts of Harold Lawrence Windcrampe

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Saturday, 30 August 2008

The Men Who Dream of Taxes

There's an illness going round,
You must have heard, I'm sure.
They say it's worse than measles
And they're yet to find a cure.

It infects you while you're sleeping
And by the time you wake
It has control of your subconscious
And the decisions that you take.

I have a friend named Sidney
Who succumbed to it last week.
I hope he will recover
But the outlook's pretty bleak.

He went into a bookshop,
Just browsing for a while,
He found a book to purchase
About a hungry crocodile.

With rapid calculation
He added to the price
An unusual percentage,
Seventeen and a half to be precise.

I don't know why he did it,
But that's the sum he paid.
It's not like Frugal Sidney
To spend more than he's made.

And then there's poor old Cyril,
Who works in telesales,
On unsociable shift patterns
In a mining town in Wales.

He's working for a pittance
That barely pays the bills,
Yet every week he does something
That's giving me the chills.

He takes about a quarter
Of the money from his work
And gives it back as if
He's a complete and utter buerk.

I don't know why it's happening
Or how it gets around,
But dreams are making decent men
Give unnecessary pounds.

I know of men who've filled out forms
In order to request
The Government to take their dough
(And they hardly would protest!)

But those who are more savvy
Try to control their cashflow
By moving funds to countries
Where infection rates are low.

Perhaps it's a mutation,
As they're claiming in the news,
Of a Far Eastern brain virus
That likes to live in shoes.

It breeds in grimy sweatshops
Where kids are poorly paid,
Not even one whole penny
For each trainer that they've made.

Perhaps it's a conspiracy
By the leaders of our land
To strip us of our riches,
Leave us with empty hands.

With genetic engineering
It shouldn't be so hard
To design suitable ailments
That will make us drop our guard.

Oh my!

The Prime Minister is using us
To fund his evil schemes.
He's topping up his pension
By controlling all our dreams!

Our only hope's the women,
They seem to be immune.
Unless...

...it's they who orchestrate all this.
In which case, we're all doomed.

***

Link of the Day: Portrayal Of Obama As Elitist Hailed As Step Forward For African Americans

Friday, 22 August 2008

Heroes, #4

Heroes, #4

Sorry it's been so long updating, this summer's been ridiculously hectic. I'd like to say it will settle into a regular routine again now, but I'm making no promises.

[Edit]


Monday, 30 June 2008

The Middle Man

The Middle Man

Link of the Day: "Hey, Cousin, you want to go bowling?"

[Edit] Sorry for the lack of updates lately, but I've been searching for somewhere to live. Kind of important. Hopefully now, things will swing back to normal. Well, from mid-August anyway. I'm away a lot until then...

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Sunday, 1 June 2008

Sam Beckett in: Back to the Matrix!, including Part Twelve

Sorry this has taken absolutely ages, but I have been:

(a) watching football;
(b) working hard;
(c) forming human pyramids;
(d) not being ill, and all the expectation that entails.

Finally, however, the whole of Back to the Matrix!, from start to finish...

Coming Soon!


Sam Beckett in: Back to the Matrix!, Part One


Sam Beckett in: Back to the Matrix!, Part Two


Sam Beckett in: Back to the Matrix!, Part Three


Sam Beckett in: Back to the Matrix!, Part Four


Sam Beckett in: Back to the Matrix!, Part Five


Sam Beckett in: Back to the Matrix!, Part Six


Sam Beckett in: Back to the Matrix!, Part 7


Sam Beckett in: Back to the Matrix!, Part 8


Sam Beckett in: Back to the Matrix! Part Nine


Sam Beckett in: Back to the Matrix! Part Ten


Sam Beckett in: Back to the Matrix! Part Eleven


Sam Beckett in: Back to the Matrix! Part Twelve

Link of the day: The Game That Never Ends (via)

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Thursday, 17 April 2008

Movies They Never Made 75

Movies They Never Made 75


For those of you unfortunate enough to have never seen the Milk Tray adverts before, click here.



Link of the Day: The People's Mario

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Wednesday, 16 April 2008

Pandamonium

"What happened to the panda's eyes?"
The smallest boy at the zoo cried.
"Is it because he's hypnotised?"

Said the keeper to this curious brat,
"Oh no, it's just they grow like that,
"Much like the stripes upon that cat."

The boy replied with a shake of his head,
"That's a tiger, not a cat," he said.
"Look, it's in this book I read."

"Do you believe all that you read?"
Said the keeper (now bedecked in tweed).
"Come on! Chop-chop! Reply at speed!"

"I really don't know what you mean,"
Said the boy, whose name was Dean,
"Or why your clothes have changed between -"

"It's matters not," the keeper chimed,
With interrupt precisely timed,
"Long as the writer makes it rhyme."

"But I won't learn anything right that way,"
Said the boy as he was led away.

"The rhymes are getting worse," said the keeper, breaking into prose. "Way and away, indeed. That's just plain lazy."

"And the purpose of this poem's hazy."

"See!" said the keeper. "It's not even clear who said that. This poem's not very good and I think it should stop right now."

Spoilsport.



Links of the Day:
Plastic Bag Ban Set To Reverse Global Warming
Giant Greenhouse to Blame for Global Warming


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Monday, 7 April 2008

Sam Beckett in: Back to the Matrix!, Part Nine

Sam Beckett in: Back to the Matrix! Part Nine




[Edit: 8 April] You may be wondering what I've done to the site. You're not the only one. I had a bit of a play with it earlier today and then when I tried to revert to the old template Blogger threw a strop and said it didn't work properly. So I've pretty much started again from scratch. Except my link lists were all intact. Which is nice to know. However, it is now approaching the look I was trying to go for. I just have to work out how to position everything on the page exactly how I want.

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Friday, 7 March 2008

Movies They Never Made 73

Movies They Never Made 73

Toby came up with the name for this one. In other news, you might want to check out Garfield minus Garfield, which is Garfield strips, with Garfield taken out. So it's basically about a paranoid schizophrenic Jon. It's awesome.