Friday, 31 August 2012

Dinosaurs With Jetpacks!

A poem! I've done a illustration and recording and EVERYTHING!

Dinosaurs With Jetpacks!

Dinosaurs With Jetpacks

Friends! Welcome to our circus!
We're so pleased that you could join us
for the show that we've
put on for your delight.

So please do not be alarmed.
We're quite sure you won't be harmed
by the monsters that
we're setting loose tonight!

Soon you'll be witnessing a blizzard
of remarkably large lizards,
the like of which
you've never seen before.

Their new style of acrobatics
is so modern and dynamic,
that it's sure to leave
your jaws upon the floor.

We've a Stegosaurus troupe
who perform the loop-da-loop,
and the most skilful
spinning Triceratops around.

And you can't say that you're alive
Til you've seen Tyrannosaurus dive,
and then stop an inch
before he hits the ground.

There's never been a sight
quite like Diplodocus in flight.
It's enough to make
a Pterodactyl blush.

So come! See Velociraptors glide
and take a Pachycephalosaurus ride.
Once your airborne
it's really quite a rush!

So, Ladies and Gentlemen!
Please be upstanding
For your viewing pleasure…


Oh! Look! T-Shirts too! (and a mug)

test test test


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Saturday, 25 August 2012

Very Short Stories

I've been taking a leaf out of Laura's book, and writing some very short stories.  Mine are mostly a little bit weirder than hers though.

Into The Daylight

Victor heaved himself up over the edge. He squinted as his eyes adjusted to the daylight.

'This is what it must have felt like when I was born,' he thought to himself.

Of course, he couldn't possibly have remembered what that was like. Not least because he was never *born* in the first place.

The Girl Who Grows Goats In Her Garden

"The difficult thing about goat seed," said The Girl Who Grows Goats In Her Garden, "is that it needs to be kept completely dry in order to germinate. That's why I had this umbrella installed."

She pointed up to the giant umbrella overshadowing the three adjacent gardens.

"Caused a lot of trouble with the neighbours, I can tell you. The other thing you should never do, is prune your goat."

She fixed her visitors, a hen party whose members mostly looked extremely bored, with a steely glare.

"That's how you get sheep."

Sally Sold A Silver Spoon

She could have got more.  She knew that if she held out someone would have given her a higher price. It was one of a kind.  Ancient.  Traceable back to more than one Royal household.  At auction it would have gone for a song.  And she needed the money.

Oh, how she needed the money.

She put the twenty pound note in her back pocket and left the car boot sale.  She felt sorry for the poor bloke who'd bought it from her, but at least this way it couldn't possibly find its way back to her.  Again.

Perhaps I will turn at least one of them into a longer story one day...

Link of the Day: When I was young...


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Monday, 20 August 2012

Birthday Face

It was my birthday on Friday and I spent it working with a load of teenagers on The Challenge, having lost my voice, and with, shall we say, "questionable intestinal conduct".  Almost as good as that birthday when I spent the night in hospital with suspected malaria.

A highlight of the day, therefore, was when my lovely friend Jo posted on my Facebook wall, the simple birthday message: "BIRTHDAY FACE".  How could I even
consider not using that as the title to a birthday poem?

And since my lovely Challenge colleague Holly's birthday was next in line (today actually), she's the lucky recipient of this original drawing on her card and poem within.  It's only brief but it's the first poem I've written and been this excited about in I-don't-know-how-long.

So this is how I spent my evening in at home alone on my birthday. Rock on.

Birthday Face

Birthday Face

Please hear this tale devoid of joy
About a sad and lonely boy.
Now, I'm sure his mum loves him to bits,
But he's got candles sprouting from his zits.
It's enough to make a grown man weep,
And also a fire hazard when he's asleep.
He never smiles, he's got no mirth,
There's butter icing through his girth.
He don't fit in in any place
And people call him 'Birthday Face'.


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