Monday, 25 November 2013

Very Short Mondays: The Fresh Start That Fooled A Desperate Man

Sulaman winced.  His halo was troubling him again.  He wondered if it was the electrodes rusting inside his brain.  He wondered if by simply having this thought, it would be automatically flagged on the system.  He wondered if Cerys was taking a personal interest in his file.

Mostly, though, he wondered if the stabs of pain would dull over time, or become less frequent.  The promise of work, and a roof over his head, had not been entirely without terms and conditions.

He thought of Cerys again.  He'd followed her home once.  Before he'd signed the forms.



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Link of the Day: Dear Ashely...

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Thursday, 21 November 2013

Monday, 18 November 2013

Very Short Mondays: South London Press

Terence looked up at the floor above the shop. A filthy dirty sign obscured most of the windows. "South London Press available here!" it promised, unconvincingly.

So this is it, thought Terence.

He looked down at the crumpled advert he still clutched in his hand. The sunlight streaming through the floor-to-ceiling windows. The chrome fittings. The pristine white carpet.

No, thought Terence. This can't be it.

If the windows had been a little less grimy, if the inside a little less dark, he might have been able to make out the little pair of eyes that watched him. The little pair of eyes that watched him turn and walk down the street, back towards the bus stop.

The little pair of eyes that had seen all that it had needed to see.


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Link of the Day: Beautiful World Heritage Sites

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Friday, 15 November 2013

Slightly Less Short Fridays: Red Brick

"What's that?"

"What?"

"That."

"Where?"

"On your desk."

"Oh.  You mean the paperweight?"

"Paperweight?  It's a brick."

"No, it's a paperweight."

"It looks like a brick."

"Ah yes.  It looks like a brick.  But it's only made to look like a brick.  It's actually a paperweight."

"It's a brick."

"It's not a brick!"

"Yes it is.  Look, it looks like a brick, it feels like a brick, it's the same weight as a bri-"

"Yeah but it's not."

"It's even got those three holes in the middle, like a brick."

"Ah no, you see, that's actually a very clever design feature.  That's so you can see what's written on the paper underneath."

"It's even got crumbs of cement stuck to it.  It's a brick.  It's a used brick."

"It's a paperweight."

"A paperweight, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"So where's the paper?"

"Well, it's a paperless office, isn't it?"


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Link of the Day: The Ultimate Guide To Writing Better Than You Normally Do

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Monday, 11 November 2013

Very Short Mondays: The Big Miss

George fell asleep.  He didn't mean to, but...

Well.  He'd been waiting a long time.  Sadly the wait would have to go on.  He missed it.  Again.

It had been eight years since the last one.  He wondered how long it would be until the next.

All he knew was that his superiors were not going to be happy.  If they ever found out, that is.  George certainly wasn't going to tell them.  He didn't even tell them about the last one.

The worry was, however, that if they thought it had never happened, they might pull the funding on the whole project.  But if they ever found out that it had happened and he had missed it - twice - well, then they'd pull him.

And he knew what that meant.

He'd heard about what that meant.  And, well, it wasn't very nice.


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Link of the Day: Old People Wearing Vegetation

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Thursday, 7 November 2013

Video Blog Thursday: A Poem For Phil's Hero

My second (hopefully weekly) video weblog featuring some of my worst writing. This week, a poem to my "hero", Michael Gove.


Direct link to video


Link of the Day: Elephant

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Wednesday, 6 November 2013

Babestation's On Freeview

I wrote this on the bus on the way home from a stand-up comedy gig a couple of months ago, about the idiots who were on the top deck with me.

***

"Can you get Babestation?"
say the grown-ups on the 134 bus.
"Babestation's on Freeview!"

I sit on the top deck at the front
while they continue to talk,
and I try to think of things to write.

"Why don't you go talk to him?"
say the women to each other.
And I decide to go downstairs.

I stand up and turn for the stairs.
"Aw, Harry Potter's leaving!" says one.
"Bye Harry Potter!" says another.

But not like the Year 8 kids
at my last school, who added,
"It's a compliment, sir.  Harry Potter's cool."

So while the grown-ups get loudly drunk,
I make my way quietly home from
making a roomful of people laugh.


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Link of the Day: Things Are Looking Up In 2056

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Monday, 4 November 2013

Very Short Mondays: Stopping On The Edge Of The World

Slim bit into his sandwich.  Smoked Salmon.  Well, at least it wasn't salami.

He looked into The Nothing.  For a moment his heart crept into his mouth.  Incidents were rare out here, but just occasionally something came out of the void.

The chances were he would be safe.


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Link of the Day: Free Textures

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Saturday, 2 November 2013

Make & Do: Home-Made Short-Notice Harry Potter Costume


Yesterday morning I received a text message "reminding" me that my friend Richard's birthday party that evening was fancy dress.  But it was the first I heard of it!  So I put my thinking cap (or sorting hat!) on, and thought what I could rustle up at short notice.  People always comment on my resemblance to a certain boy wizard (and Harry Potter is that boy wizard), so my decision was easy enough!

Now all I needed was the ingredients!

But what is Harry Potter known for?  Some things sprang to mind easily, some took a little longer, but pretty soon I had a definitive list of necessaries:

- large plastic-framed spectacles
- the metereological scar on his forehead
- a school tie
- his pet owl Hagrid
- a hat with a face on it
- an invisibility cloak
- a NIMBY HS2000 flying brush
- the medal he was awarded by Princess Leia at the end of Prisoner of Alcatraz when he destroyed the Ring of Power and defeated Lord Vorderman.