Friday, 14 March 2014

Slightly Less Short Fridays: Aluminium Heart

"Welcome back, Gordon.  We lost you for a minute there."

"What happened?"

"You stopped breathing.  Much longer and you'd have been brain dead."

"Thank you, Doctor.  But, I mean ... what happened?"

"You had a nasty accident.  I'm afraid we had to remove your heart."

"My heart?"

"Yes.  We've replaced it with an aluminium replica."

"You mean, like a transplant?"

"Like a transplant, yes.  We couldn't find a tissue match at such short notice, so we've put you on an experimental new programme.  You're at the cutting edge of modern medicine, Gordon."

"So how does it work?"

"We call it a non-functioning cardiac substitute."


"Yes.  It's only a model.  It shouldn't do anything at all.  And yet here you are, awake and talking to me.  That's what makes it all the more exciting."

"How many other people are on this ... programme?"

"Oh, just you.  Sadly the Government has just pulled our funding, so it will only ever be you.  That's why we're going to have to keep you here, indefinitely."


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