Monday, 15 February 2016

Very Short (Unfinished) Mondays: The Disappointing Adventure

Another unfinished one, I think I wrote it last June.  I'd quite like to come back and finish it I think...


The Disappointing Adventure

"Here you go," said The Leader Of The Islanders, heaving out The Large Chest Of Unimaginable Treasures.

"Oh," said the Captain Of The Pirates.  "But we only just landed.  Couldn't you just hide it from us for a bit?"

"We could," said the The Leader Of The Islanders, "but isn't this what you wanted?"

"Well, yes..." said The Captain Of The Pirates, trying to be as delicate as possible, "but we normally do a spot of plundering first."

"Well, now you don't need to," said The Leader Of The Islanders.  "Here you go," he added, nudging The Large Chest Of Unimaginable Treasures slightly closer to the pirates.

"But I was looking forward to the plundering!" said the shortest pirate, who was stood at the back where the islanders couldn't see him.

"And we were looking forward to giving you The Large Chest Of Unimaginable Treasures," said The Leader Of The Islanders.  "They don't call this The Island Of Hospitality for nothing, you know.  I'm Alan, by the way."  He offered his hand for shaking.

"I've never heard anyone call it The Island Of Hospitality," said The Captain Of The Pirates.  "I thought it was called The Island Of Bone Crushing Cannibals."

"Ah, that's because we only changed its name last week at a public meeting," said Alan, beaming.  "Two thirds majority and everything."

Some of the pirates groaned.

"Oh," said The Captain Of The Pirates.  "That is a shame.  George here was rather keen on being captured and then pulling off a daring last minute escape just before he could be cooked and eaten.  Apparently it's his favourite thing in the whole world."

He gestured towards a heavily scarred and disappointed looking pirate who was clutching a large tine with 'DEFINITELY NOT A KIT FOR CARRYING OUT DARING ESCAPES' printed on it.


Link of the Day: The Most Highlighted Passages From Classic Books


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Monday, 8 February 2016

Very Short Mondays: Feathers

Another one from last May from my notebook.  This one was written because my lovely wife refuses to accept modern theories on dinosaur feathers.



"Of course," said Kelly, "velociraptors were a lot smaller in real life than in the film."

"Kelly," said Horace.  "Stop ruining it.  I don't care if they were smaller or not."

"Do you care that they were covered in feathers."

"They were not covered in feathers."

"Were too."

"Don't be silly.  Let's enjoy the film."

"I'll show you."


"I'll show you.  Come upstairs."  Kelly stood up and climbed the three flights of stairs into the loft.  Horace, begrudgingly, pressed pause and followed her.

"I've been working on it for months," said Kelly when he finally caught up with her.

"What is it?"

"It's my time machine."

"Time machine?"


"You've built a time machine?"

"Hopefully.  Come on."  Kelly skipped over to the contraption and climbed inside.  Horace, begrudgingly (he did most things begrudgingly), followed her.

The door closed and without any sound, without any clicks or whirrs or futuristic pips and whistles, the contraption slowly faded into nothingness.  A few seconds later, it faded back again.

"See?  I told you," said Kelly, climbing back out of the time machine.  "Feathers.  Oh."

"What?" said Horace, who was struggling a little.

"We changed something."

Horace gave himself one final heave.

"What do you - Oh."


Link of the Day: Thread Rainbow


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Monday, 1 February 2016

Very Short Mondays: The Pizza

We're up to May in my notebook now.  Not sure what was going on in this story...


The Pizza

Jonathan took the pizza out of the oven.  It still wasn't cooked.  Why wouldn't it cook?

The oven was switched on, it was hot.  The pizza had been in there for half an hour.  It wasn't even warm.

"You've failed me," said Jessica.

Jonathan ignored her.  He always failed her.  It was practically his job to fail her.

But this time, something worried him.  The voices were one thing, but this.  This was weird.  This shouldn't be happening.

"You'd be surprised," said Ranjit, "by what some people think is normal."

It was a shame really, that this was only the first night that Jonathan noticed that some things - some actual real things that had happened - were impossible.  Otherwise he might have had time to make a plan to save himself.


Link of the Day: Monster Tea Party


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